The title of this post is something isn't? Ha ha. In the last few months, lack of certainty has troubled me big time. Today, I suddenly had a realization that I've been afraid of certainty myself. I can't commit that easily. I fear that I'll break the promise and never promise anything. Promise is very sacred to me. I take it literally. People promise and don't really mean it most of the time. But when I promise, I do mean it literally. It doesn't happen so often that I need to worry about it. Anyways, so what made me reach this conclusion today. We have been looking at deals to go to Vegas - mostly hotel deals since we always drive to Vegas. So flights are not a problem. I saw some nice deals for hotels in the strip for only $80 a night for three days starting Friday. If I had been what I was long back, I would have booked it, at least with the guarantee that I could cancel it in 24 hours notice. Now that I am different, I didn't book it and didn't care too much. Now the prices have gone up significantly. A simple thing like this requires your commitment. I have no good answer to why I didn't book it earlier, but now I would just have to pay more for the same crappy room that I'll get.
This made me think a little, as does everything. If I am not willing to commit to something and make plans, why would my future look very clear to me? I've been complaining to myself that the future is a big question mark, I don't know where I will end up yada yada, but I have not been acting one bit to resolve that (at least so far). And that requires more or less a fundamental change. Long back, my experiences taught me that I shouldn't really plan things 'cause they never really worked. That may have been true, but it was my perspective that was very different and may have been wrong at that time. Now, I can say that it has become better, I don't know if it is the right perspective yet. We all grow. May be the right perspective will strike you only when you have a few moments to live. You see people suddenly forgoing all their ego and apologizing for their mistakes when they are in their deathbed. They probably realize at that time that life is too beautiful to be spent worrying and bickering around. Love is needed. Appreciation is needed. I'll put an end to this digression right now.
Coming back to the point, I should develop the ability to accept and commit to certain things. It is time that I realize that I am not really waiting for anything better to happen, so I might as well go with this plan. This coming weekend is the best example. What on earth would have happened if I had booked that hotel a few days back itself? Nothing much. There was nothing really lined up. It was either laziness or fear of commitment or just complete disregard for the idea of going to Vegas (of course it has been too many times already). Or it is probably because I have been preoccupied with something else. What is that something else - nobody knows. It is like, when you reach somewhere, 'there' is gone already! You need to keep moving constantly.
They say that good work keeps you fully occupied - it energizes you and it doesn't allow you to look at your watch. You don't feel time. That's the kind of state that I want to achieve. It'll be good if everyone achieves it, but the world makes it seem as though there are only a few good jobs and the rest is all crap. We will have to consciously make choices.
This made me think a little, as does everything. If I am not willing to commit to something and make plans, why would my future look very clear to me? I've been complaining to myself that the future is a big question mark, I don't know where I will end up yada yada, but I have not been acting one bit to resolve that (at least so far). And that requires more or less a fundamental change. Long back, my experiences taught me that I shouldn't really plan things 'cause they never really worked. That may have been true, but it was my perspective that was very different and may have been wrong at that time. Now, I can say that it has become better, I don't know if it is the right perspective yet. We all grow. May be the right perspective will strike you only when you have a few moments to live. You see people suddenly forgoing all their ego and apologizing for their mistakes when they are in their deathbed. They probably realize at that time that life is too beautiful to be spent worrying and bickering around. Love is needed. Appreciation is needed. I'll put an end to this digression right now.
Coming back to the point, I should develop the ability to accept and commit to certain things. It is time that I realize that I am not really waiting for anything better to happen, so I might as well go with this plan. This coming weekend is the best example. What on earth would have happened if I had booked that hotel a few days back itself? Nothing much. There was nothing really lined up. It was either laziness or fear of commitment or just complete disregard for the idea of going to Vegas (of course it has been too many times already). Or it is probably because I have been preoccupied with something else. What is that something else - nobody knows. It is like, when you reach somewhere, 'there' is gone already! You need to keep moving constantly.
They say that good work keeps you fully occupied - it energizes you and it doesn't allow you to look at your watch. You don't feel time. That's the kind of state that I want to achieve. It'll be good if everyone achieves it, but the world makes it seem as though there are only a few good jobs and the rest is all crap. We will have to consciously make choices.
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