There is some discussion about whether your parents know enough to advise you on critical things even when they may not possess the knowledge to do so. Somebody has written a really long blog on this topic and in general the person has attacked all the people that listen to their parents before making critical decisions in their lives. I don't think it is a bad idea to ask the parents what they think before you make a critical move in your career or personal life, however little they know about both. My argument is that parents have seen you grow and would have identified where all you excelled at as a kid and may know what your heart truly wants, though we all spend so much time trying to kill our heart and its passions for want of more money or fame or security.
That's where, I think parents may be able offer a unique insight. They may be able to tell you that you are an artist at heart when you are confusing yourself on whether you should choose Management Consulting or Investment Banking. It may come as an epiphany, if carefully considered and objectively evaluated. Of course not all parents are sane. So my argument assumes that parents are sane and would have always wanted a better life to you than what they've had. You know every parent would want this - their kids should go to a better school and lead better lives. Has this really happened though? I mean when we have the time in the world to write such blogs and think so much about our careers and what not, aren't we forgetting several things: our parents have given us immunization against diseases like chicken pox, polio and what not, which is what makes us the healthy individuals that we are. Health is wealth, first things first. We can't do much without being healthy. All the dreams of starting a company or growing up to be manager blah blah won't happen if you are bedridden all the time or if you are crippled. Of course, you can do anything with determination, but let's not get into that.
I claim that independence is not so much in being able to make decisions but more in holding yourself accountable for the decisions you've made. In other words, a person who can decide for himself is not so much of a deal compared to a person who stands by his decision and is willing to face any consequence that may arise 'cause of his decision. At the very least, he should be willing to learn from the experience if it turned out to be a bad decision. So, all people that can decide for themselves - you aren't doing that big of a job. Sorry.
Parents somewhat reflect what we will be when we get to their age. After all, they have gone through so many things. They may not have been as educated as we are, but they had the insight to give us decent education and show us the door. Showing the door! How many people can actually do that? Without showing the door, how can one walk through it? So, they have also worked and they have had aspirations, some succeeded and some failed. They also would have bought houses, lived with their in laws, had kids and what not. They have done a tremendous job. So, shouldn't there be something in what they have to say. I mean we could take them and objectively evaluate their opinions and then chooose to reject them or to incorporate them into our decisions. In the end, a man or a woman decides for himself, even though they may claim that they do certain things for their parents or family. People all make decisions solely for themselves.
Listen to this: we hear stories about how a man tortured his wife for 8 years before she suddenly decided to leave him.....I would actually blame the man just for the first month - the remaining 7 years and 11 months - the wife is to be blamed - for taking so much crap from him. She could have done something about it. I am sure she had choices - she could have run away from him long back, or if she thought jail would have been a better place, she could have killed him. If she didn't have the courage, it somehow becomes her fault. You get cheated once, the cheater is the fool....you get cheated more than once, then you're the fool. I know it is easy to say these things, but that is what can explain the problems in your life. You make a decision and make yourself accountable for the consequences. The decisions may be bad, but then, you'll have to be open about accepting it after objective evaluation and giving it a fair shot. Nothing much will result in being shortsighted and jumping into conclusions because your life didn't pan the way you wanted it to. Analysis and accountability are the key.
Ultimately, Buddhism will tell you that desire is the root cause for all suffering. There is no contest there. Fully agree. Some others may tell you that the earth is 4.5 billion years old and humans have been here for a very very short time compared to the life of earth itself - so does anybody really care if you score a goal in Sundays' game?
That's where, I think parents may be able offer a unique insight. They may be able to tell you that you are an artist at heart when you are confusing yourself on whether you should choose Management Consulting or Investment Banking. It may come as an epiphany, if carefully considered and objectively evaluated. Of course not all parents are sane. So my argument assumes that parents are sane and would have always wanted a better life to you than what they've had. You know every parent would want this - their kids should go to a better school and lead better lives. Has this really happened though? I mean when we have the time in the world to write such blogs and think so much about our careers and what not, aren't we forgetting several things: our parents have given us immunization against diseases like chicken pox, polio and what not, which is what makes us the healthy individuals that we are. Health is wealth, first things first. We can't do much without being healthy. All the dreams of starting a company or growing up to be manager blah blah won't happen if you are bedridden all the time or if you are crippled. Of course, you can do anything with determination, but let's not get into that.
I claim that independence is not so much in being able to make decisions but more in holding yourself accountable for the decisions you've made. In other words, a person who can decide for himself is not so much of a deal compared to a person who stands by his decision and is willing to face any consequence that may arise 'cause of his decision. At the very least, he should be willing to learn from the experience if it turned out to be a bad decision. So, all people that can decide for themselves - you aren't doing that big of a job. Sorry.
Parents somewhat reflect what we will be when we get to their age. After all, they have gone through so many things. They may not have been as educated as we are, but they had the insight to give us decent education and show us the door. Showing the door! How many people can actually do that? Without showing the door, how can one walk through it? So, they have also worked and they have had aspirations, some succeeded and some failed. They also would have bought houses, lived with their in laws, had kids and what not. They have done a tremendous job. So, shouldn't there be something in what they have to say. I mean we could take them and objectively evaluate their opinions and then chooose to reject them or to incorporate them into our decisions. In the end, a man or a woman decides for himself, even though they may claim that they do certain things for their parents or family. People all make decisions solely for themselves.
Listen to this: we hear stories about how a man tortured his wife for 8 years before she suddenly decided to leave him.....I would actually blame the man just for the first month - the remaining 7 years and 11 months - the wife is to be blamed - for taking so much crap from him. She could have done something about it. I am sure she had choices - she could have run away from him long back, or if she thought jail would have been a better place, she could have killed him. If she didn't have the courage, it somehow becomes her fault. You get cheated once, the cheater is the fool....you get cheated more than once, then you're the fool. I know it is easy to say these things, but that is what can explain the problems in your life. You make a decision and make yourself accountable for the consequences. The decisions may be bad, but then, you'll have to be open about accepting it after objective evaluation and giving it a fair shot. Nothing much will result in being shortsighted and jumping into conclusions because your life didn't pan the way you wanted it to. Analysis and accountability are the key.
Ultimately, Buddhism will tell you that desire is the root cause for all suffering. There is no contest there. Fully agree. Some others may tell you that the earth is 4.5 billion years old and humans have been here for a very very short time compared to the life of earth itself - so does anybody really care if you score a goal in Sundays' game?
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