I don't think there is a big difference enough to argue for one over the other. Firstly, if some love marriages work, it is solely because of those two people involved in it and not because of the fact that it is a love marriage. The same thing holds good for arranged as well. In fact, sometimes, when you think about it, arranged marriage can be a little bit more objective in its evaluation and choosing of the partner than that in love marriages ,where the chances of getting blinded by love are quite significant. Men and women are fundamentally different regardless of the kind of marriage they go through. Decent understanding of the opposite sex is necessary to ensure a successful life. This can come about both in love and in arranged marriages. Some people that have gone through love marriages will strongly vote for the same and they'll claim as though that's the only way to get married. They probably don't realize that "it doesn't matter". What matters is whether you are able to understand each other and sustain a nice relationship.
In love marriages, both parties put up their best behavior until they get married. I'm not saying that they become bad after marriage, but they become 'themselves' after marriage when the day to day reality strikes them. During the phase of love, the woman tries to be very much like a man, which impresses the man of course and the man constantly does cheesy things and tries to be like a woman friend to the woman, which of course impresses the woman big time. Imagine this: is this a guy's trait: buying flowers to appease his girlfriend? I'm sure this thing lasts only till they get married. Or also imagine this: Is this a girl's trait: making sense while she is feeling highly emotional. Both of these violate the fundamental nature of each sex. They won't be able to sustain this 'mode' for a long time. Most of these last only until they live separately. "Moving in" does something to the relationship. You know some people say - do whatever you want, but things will be very different if we live within four walls. I would agree with them one hundred percent.
Our Indian ancestors probably realized all these things and they decided that some basic things are only necessary to 'enable' the success of a marriage. So they decided to look only for the very fundamental things that form the foundation for the marriage, namely, the background of each person, their educational qualifications, their culture, tradition and their involvement in arts and a few other things. The rest is completely left for 'unfolding by itself'. For instance, it will definitely help a couple if they speak the same language. This doesn't guarantee effective communication, but the chances of understanding each other are higher if both of them in the pair are from the same culture and speak the same language. What guarantees effective communication is the art of 'listening'. Two people can make their marriage very successful even if they are from different cultures and speak different languages if both of them learn how to listen to the other one.
What I think is that the chances of one of them getting hurt is much higher in the case of a love marriage than in that of an arranged marriage. Because only the 'best' of behavior is displayed by the individual parties before they get married, it comes as a shock when they reveal their true selves. In the case of an arranged marriage, things are a little toned down - not too much liberty is given before marriage to fool around with each other and consequently, a great sense of attachment may not build up before the individuals have their first fight. They both rather grow together in their likes and dislikes and have a better chance of perceiving each other's shortcomings right from the beginning.
Much of the world doesn't believe in arranged marriages. Let us just talk about Indians, in fact, just select Indians. I find that people sometimes blindly say that they'd go just for a love marriage or just an arranged marriage without giving due consideration to the other one. What I feel is that they are shutting themselves off from one other wonderful door by being closed about the other form of marriage. Some people think that it is better to fall in love and then get married - I am pretty sure that they won't know what's in store after they get married. Also, most parents from select communities insist on their kids getting married after they are formally introduced to their future spouses. This kind of attitude severly limits their kids' opportunities of leading a very successful married life 'cause the parents almost always look for partners only within the same community and it may well be the case that the community has several social restrictions which prevent an individual from being very broad minded or accepting, in which case unrest in the marriage is right around the corner.
Marriage between two people, they say, is also a marriage between two families. Whether this relationship works better in arranged marriage or in love marriage is highly subjective and upto debate. I'll think about it and write something later.
In love marriages, both parties put up their best behavior until they get married. I'm not saying that they become bad after marriage, but they become 'themselves' after marriage when the day to day reality strikes them. During the phase of love, the woman tries to be very much like a man, which impresses the man of course and the man constantly does cheesy things and tries to be like a woman friend to the woman, which of course impresses the woman big time. Imagine this: is this a guy's trait: buying flowers to appease his girlfriend? I'm sure this thing lasts only till they get married. Or also imagine this: Is this a girl's trait: making sense while she is feeling highly emotional. Both of these violate the fundamental nature of each sex. They won't be able to sustain this 'mode' for a long time. Most of these last only until they live separately. "Moving in" does something to the relationship. You know some people say - do whatever you want, but things will be very different if we live within four walls. I would agree with them one hundred percent.
Our Indian ancestors probably realized all these things and they decided that some basic things are only necessary to 'enable' the success of a marriage. So they decided to look only for the very fundamental things that form the foundation for the marriage, namely, the background of each person, their educational qualifications, their culture, tradition and their involvement in arts and a few other things. The rest is completely left for 'unfolding by itself'. For instance, it will definitely help a couple if they speak the same language. This doesn't guarantee effective communication, but the chances of understanding each other are higher if both of them in the pair are from the same culture and speak the same language. What guarantees effective communication is the art of 'listening'. Two people can make their marriage very successful even if they are from different cultures and speak different languages if both of them learn how to listen to the other one.
What I think is that the chances of one of them getting hurt is much higher in the case of a love marriage than in that of an arranged marriage. Because only the 'best' of behavior is displayed by the individual parties before they get married, it comes as a shock when they reveal their true selves. In the case of an arranged marriage, things are a little toned down - not too much liberty is given before marriage to fool around with each other and consequently, a great sense of attachment may not build up before the individuals have their first fight. They both rather grow together in their likes and dislikes and have a better chance of perceiving each other's shortcomings right from the beginning.
Much of the world doesn't believe in arranged marriages. Let us just talk about Indians, in fact, just select Indians. I find that people sometimes blindly say that they'd go just for a love marriage or just an arranged marriage without giving due consideration to the other one. What I feel is that they are shutting themselves off from one other wonderful door by being closed about the other form of marriage. Some people think that it is better to fall in love and then get married - I am pretty sure that they won't know what's in store after they get married. Also, most parents from select communities insist on their kids getting married after they are formally introduced to their future spouses. This kind of attitude severly limits their kids' opportunities of leading a very successful married life 'cause the parents almost always look for partners only within the same community and it may well be the case that the community has several social restrictions which prevent an individual from being very broad minded or accepting, in which case unrest in the marriage is right around the corner.
Marriage between two people, they say, is also a marriage between two families. Whether this relationship works better in arranged marriage or in love marriage is highly subjective and upto debate. I'll think about it and write something later.
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