The Energy of the Universe

The universe has pretty much an unlimited supply of energy. What if we can tap this energy creatively and use it for our own creativity? There are energy sources all around us. It is entirely possible to get lost and get consumed with negative energy that takes us nowhere. What if we can use the positive energy within us and compound it with the positive energy of the people that we interact with? All the people involved in this process are bound to benefit. It is like having a resonance between different frequencies - if the frequencies are not aligned in phase or are deviating from the resonant frequency value, there is no resonance - there is no summation of energies. In a big company, people would call this working together as a team. The positive energy of all the team members shows itself as a product or a code that is successful. At home, the end product of this resonance is happiness and bliss; the satisfaction of feeling special among your family members and the knowledge that you have made a difference in their lives in a positive way.

If there is no happiness or satisfaction in life, we can view it as we are rejecting the positive energy the universe is trying to give us. It is in our best interest that we become creative and use the energy of the universe for some useful purpose. It's like you are a small but a vital part of this infinite chain the universe is made up of. If we refuse to be a good part of that chain, we'll only be discarded and the universe will find alternate ways to rebuild the broken part - since it has so much energy, it can accompish this task within the blink of an eye.

The universe constantly tries to express itself through us. When we create, it is the universe that is using us as a tool to create. If we allow this to happen freely, then we become a prolific creator. The universe takes care of the quality while you take care of the quantity. What could be more proof to this other than Ramanujan's profound statement:

"An equation for me has no meaning, unless it represents a thought of God."

Another corroboration to these facts is Bach's statement:

"It is all a matter of pressing the right keys at the right time"

How easily has he summarized the art of playing the organ/harpsichord!

Compulsion

I couldn't stop thinking about the movie Aviator. Such a genius guy he was, and yet he was plagued with this mental illness - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I was watching the second DVD that came along with it, that had all the special features. The director and his team had actually worked with a psychiatrist from UCLA to learn the symptoms of OCD, particularly the ones that plagued HH. Frequent washing of hands, fear of germs, frequent checking of whether the car is locked or not, repeating the same thing over and over again without control are some of the symptoms of OCD. They say that it takes a person of above average, in fact, pretty good intelligence to even get this kind of disorder because it requires complicated thinking patterns. The psychiatrist also mentioned that this disorder is rather common - about one in fifty have it. I would tend to agree with that though, only a few cases will require medical attention and help.

We all may have or have had this kind of disorder, for at least short spells of time. I have done things compulsively. We all are obsessed about certain things. There are a bunch of people in my family who are so obsessed with cleanliness, pressing clothes and washing them. I myself watch Seinfeld very religiously and compulsively. I do it for the laughter that it provides though, not 'cause of some unknown obsession. Some people are so obsessed about how they park the car, or how they sit inside the car or how exactly to make a dish with precise amount of ingredients, etc. It is kind of sad that Howard Hughes was not really diagnosed for this kind of illness. He was left on his own and he became a recluse in the last couple of decades of his life. Interestingly enough, he died on a plane, in mid air, for all that he was as an aviator. He apparently died under mysterious circumstances and it took them a while to even identify and confirm his body. Big geniuses have their own problems, unfortunately. It is the classic case of life getting averaged out. He is a very inspiring character - I mean, he built the Hercules (Spruce Goose) pretty much knowing that it won't be sold. That plane just flew about a mile in less than a minute and was gracefully grounded. It was never flown again. It is now kept in a museum in Oregon. The movie kind of ends on a high note, where they show him coming out clean from the Senate Hearings. In reality, his life took a turn for worse around that time.

Then he proceeded to buy some casinos in Las Vegas. I mean, how many things can you do in your life? You could learn from this guy! He was apparently the first legitimate billionaire of the U.S. That is something!

The Doors that surround us

I have come to believe that there are always several doors open for us, or at least one. Mostly, we complain of our miseries and seek solution, but the solution may be right there and we may just fail to recognize what it is. This is a consequence of listening too much to the mind rather than following your intuition. We had dinner at a friends' place yesterday and they were mentioning an incident where they saved a bird. Apparently this bird got trapped under this huge metal enclosure. The enclosure was slightly above the ground on one end through which the bird must have got in. It kept fluttering its wings but was never able to figure the way out. It was only trying to go up and always hitting the metal roof. My friends tried to help the bird. They phoned some authorities to lift the metal stuff, but there was no good response. After a couple of hours, they passed by the same location only to find that the bird was still not freed. Feeling desperate, they somehow mustered up the strength and lifted that metal enclosure to a reasonable height, providing a lot of room in the bottom through which the bird can fly out. Apparently, the bird still didn't realize it was being helped. It still kept flying inside the enclosure. Only after sometime, it realized that there was an opening through which it could get out and it did, promptly. So, the door is always open, but it is expected that we have the knowledge to walk through the door. No one can force us through the door....only we have to choose to walk through it. But we need to have the intelligence to look around for something that may be right in our hands.

This could be a good moral science story in the school curriculum :)

Expectations vs Disappointments

In my experience (and I have confirmed otherwise), disappointments that a person experiences are directly (and linearly) proportional to the expectations that the person has. Swami Chinmayananda has said "Disappointments come to those who try to make an appointment with the future". This is one of the very few of his sayings that has stuck to me. I don't attend any special classes on spirituality or anything, but I studied in a Chinmaya Mission affiliated school for a few years. We would be given a diary, so that the teacher may include her remarks about you on that, that you are supposed to show to your parents and get some kind of approval. It is just a daily note, which may include list of things to do, etc. I never cared too much for it. This diary used to have a proverb on each page, and its corresponding author. Needless to say, it had quite a lot of Swami Chinmayananda's sayings in it.

But then to avoid disappointments, you would have to forgo the expectations. I have also verified and confirmed that you can't afford not to have any kind of expectation in any deep relationship. Where there are relationships, there are expectations. That's assumed and understood. What is then the way to overcome these kind of sad and disappointing experiences - the key is self awareness and consciousness and realization of some fundamental truths. The western world has some how reached a point where there is a near perfect system of human interaction, given the imperfect nature of humans. What I mean is, the people in the western civilizations are more understanding and respectful of human errors and give each other a lot of space. The evolution of medical insurance is one example. In a place where people have the freedom and the capacity to sue a medical doctor for millions of dollars, the only way the doctors can safeguard themselves from these seemingly unreasonable lawsuits is to charge the patient heavily by accommodating the various risks involved in the treatment of a disease. You're required to sign tons of papers and are more or less blindly treated for various symptoms - I believe mostly out of fear. In other words, I don't find the doctors using their intuition to cure problems and diseases - they rely on some set of rules which they have to abide by and then gradually get to the point. By this time, you would have blown up tons of money on office visits and what not. I see India getting to the same place. This is where it can naturally settle. Where people want to be respected and treated well - the doctors would have to charge them heavily.

There is a lot of value attached to one's life and nature in places like U.S. than in India. This is not the regular realization that one comes about, but a little bit more profound. I feel that people here understand the need for space. Everything seems to be well defined, which itself is sometimes annoying (to think that there is not that much 'human' element to the various process here). The cashier at the supermarket may repeatedly ask you "how are you today", etc - these are all labelled as customer service rather than an act of greeting and well wishing. And one day, such people will independently come to the realization that they need to greet people to maintain good business and good relationships - something that I think is rather obvious. "Interdependence" will become more important then. May be lot of people here think that independence is the ultimate virtue to have, which is why you see people falling out of marriages, jobs and what not. The truth is, a person needs so many people in his life to lead his life. This is what interdependence means. What you can't achieve as a single person, you could achieve if you team up with certain other people. The positive energy in you can be compounded by interacting with people that think the same way or those who add to your energy. This can be a mutual process - it's not just that only you would benefit from it.

Coming back to the point, the western society, being liberal, allows for dating and allow children to express themselves in almost any possible way. Nothing is taboo. So there is naturally a lot more expression and creativity here as compared to India, which only has the potential to be, but is not quite there yet. Kids may be unruly - that is understood and a system has somehow evolved - parents take care of them till high school and then let them loose. The parents then take care of themselves and they don't really expect the kid to come back to them and support them financially or anything. There is a well defined social security system which pays for the old people's expenses based on how much they tried to accumulate when they were working. These are just values and not necessarily principles. The value system in India is quite different. It is more family oriented than anything else. There are clear and unwritten expectations about an individual in his various capacities. In other words, the system is laid back, but it is entirely possible not to realize this if one doesn't go out of the country to explore the world. There are so many self inflicted miseries and prohibitions that prevent an individual from expressing himself/herself freely, thereby also limiting his/her creativity. All said and done, even the movie producers are rather conservative. Otherwise, they'd be taking a risk and producing some good movies for a change. The businessmen are also conservative, may be even superstitious to some extent. It'll probably take a couple of generations to change these things. Things do have to change just because the population is exceeding 1 billion and people need to learn a common way of living harmoniously in a society made up of thousands of nuclear families.

Toccata and Fugue in Dm and its influence

You know what piece I am talking about - one of the most famous pieces composed by J.S. Bach. Martin Scorsese has very beautifully used this piece - the orchestral version played by Philadelphia Philharmonic Orchestra (Eugene Ormandy) - in his movie, Aviator. You won't believe how much weight this music adds to the scene where Leonardo test drives a newly built aircraft. It brings out all that is great about the aircraft, its speed (with its tempo) and the new record that it is creating and the sense of elation that Leonardo experiences during the flight. The feeling of exhilaration, joy, mixed with speed, with a little seriousness - all is happening in that scene. Only Bach's music could have provided something meaningful there. I must have watched that scene so many times on DVD just for its music.

It so deeply touched me that I lost myself in it completely. It is at such times that I feel that the sole purpose of my existence is to listen to such great music that people have composed. There is such a resonance with some songs that I get goosebumps immediately. They just go and touch my soul. And this is not the first time I am listening to this piece. Though the original piece was composed only for organ, people have orchestrated in several different ways over the years. Where could I start, if I want to praise and sing its glory? The fugue part is one of the most brilliant pieces ever written. What a harmony? How the hell did he even manage to write all the notes down when such tunes leap in his head literally? Imagine what all he must have forgotten to written down! This piece runs for about 9-10 minutes depending on whose rendition it is. And its incredibly complex. Did I mention I love the harmony? I mean, he must have had several brains to process such information and make sense out of it. The beauty of the piece though is not its technicality, but the music itself - the grace - the theme that it brings about to just prick your heart. Imagine composing such a masterpiece now that would outlive yourself, for several centuries.

Bach died in 1750, six years before Mozart was born. Bach was religious and mostly composed for the church in his early days. He lived a life to reflect this: "God took care of his music quality - he took care of the quantity". I believe in God just because music exists. You don't really have a choice, after you listen to such pieces. They say that if Bach had another choice or birth, he would have become a mathematician. You'll understand why if you listen to his pieces and read his notes. It must have been great to belong to Bach's family at that time. It is known that he almost had an ensemble made just of his family members. He is probably the one famous composer who lived a decent/normal life, unlike that of Mozart's or Beethoven's.

I'll get back to listening to that piece again.

Technology and Art

I was wondering whether I am more of an artist or a techie guy. I was almost convinced that I was an artist and I talk to my friend - who is very much into philosophy, advaita, Buddhism and all that (not that he is religious or believes in anything). He says that I can find art in technology also. There is room for so much creativity in tech and anything can be viewed as art. It just depends on the person's perspective. While I have been thinking of Spielberg, he has been thinking of Einstein as his model for success and creativity. To my creativity mostly pertains to art. But my friend is right, it is just my perception. An engineer designing a cell phone or computer is probably as creative as a musician. But I still think that the musician is much more creative. It may be because I am obsessed about thinking that the amount of creativity depends on how many people it reaches and the ease with which it reaches. Sure, cell phone technology has reached so many people and they may all appreciate the engineers at some point, listening to music and appreciating it doesn't require any effort. It is great and simple.

Time wasters

I'm going to attempt at listing the things that I think are wasting my time, knowingly or unknowingly, consciously or subconsciously:

1. Too much thinking (that's almost obsessive)
   
2. Surfing some unwanted sites (techbargains, blogs). This includes general clicking on those bookmarks just because you feel like it, without any purpose.
3. May be too much Seinfeld, although I continue to laugh
4. Frequent checking of emails
5. more than 7 hours of sleep
6. Not being efficient
7. Lack of concentration at times

Of all these things, the things that I have control over are no.2 through 5. No. 1,6 and 7 - they don't happen with my knowledge. Those are the ones that are the true time wasters though. I will try. Another thing that has crept up in my life is procrastination. I wonder how this happened. I had the habit of finishing up anything that is pending. That seems like a great skill to have now. Will work on it. We'll see what happens.

Miners' Death

12 people died in a mine blast and its aftermath. Those people seem to have left a note to their loved ones. You know they say, if you are given only a few moments to live, you'll only think of your loved ones and not about how your project will turn out or the places that you didn't visit. Apparently, all of your live will flash before you in an instant, from your childhoold to adulthood to parenthood and so forth. When we are born, we don't feel anything. It is an occasion of joy. Death is just the opposite. I wonder how a person feels when he/she is ready to leave this world and right at the moment when their soul departs their body. Death is the ultimate truth. We all have to face it at some point. I don't want to think too much about it, but it is very sad when you realize that the world doesn't have someone the next minute they are dead. It must have been a terrible loss for the miners' families. The one guy that survived is apparently in a coma, because his vital organs are oxygen deprived. Wonder how his life is going to unfold.

My sympathies go out for such families; for families that have lost thousands of their men in wars and battles; for families that have lost their loved ones in some freak accident. One wonders what life is all about 'cause one day you'll be gone. Whether you'll be remembered or not is not something that you'll know. Mozart's 250th birthday will be celebrated this month. Would he know that? I mean, he has literally lived in the form of his compositions for more than a couple of centuries after his death in 1791. But what does this mean to him? Would he have known when dying that his music will not die with him?

How would have the astronauts that died in the Columbia mission felt? I mean, it is terrifying to think about those moments. How would have the passengers on the death-bound flights that collided with the world trade centers felt? I mean they knew they were going to die - what a terrible situation to be in. I couldn't help but question the purpose of life. What is the big point in coming in and going out of the world? Where do our thoughts form? Why do they form?

There are a bunch of physicists that are creating this mega tunnel, costing 2.7 billion dollars, to test the presence of Higgs boson. That would be quite an amazing feat, when it is accomplished. They better be sure that this thing exists 'cause some governments have poured in so much money on it. Yet, how much light would the Higgs boson shed on life and death?

Fighting in Blogosphere

I couldn't help but notice that some prominent bloggers are fighting amongst themselves and craving for attention. Well, too bad! Wonder why people have to do this and go through this. One of them is definitely much smarter than the other and he has finally indicated that he regrets having posted a blog that would attract attention to the other stupid blogger. If only people realize that "Nobody gives a damn"!

Tendencies

I have this tendency to shoot for doing a lot of things all the time. No guesses, but I only end up accomplishing so much. I am well aware that this is sometimes counter productive also. But then what can I do. Let me try to list all the things I am very fond of doing or would like to do:

1. Playing Piano/Keyboard
2. Creating Midi files, recordings
3. Taking photographs
4. Editing pictures in photoshop
5. Watch movies on DVD/Theatre
6. Organize my things
7. Take care of my finances
8. Clean the apartment
9. Spend time with my wife
10. Help my wife in her career
11. Some meditation
12. Think about my future
13. Read books
14. Implement the ideas written in the books
15. Keep a constant eye on the industry and various markets
16. Investing my money somewhere
17. Learn Java, C++ and web design
18. Take classes in Photography, Music, Leadership and Management
19. Travel occasionally
20. Participate in music shows and art shows
21. Allot time for some creativity
22. Take music courses
23. Buy cellphones
24. Become a member of Netflix/Blockbuster Online
    

As you can see, I really had to stop expanding this list desperately. There are only 24 hours in a day. Bear in mind I have a full time job as well. So the remaining hours are very numbered - may be only 4 hours are available for me. And I have begun to sleep longer than before. So, am I even qualified to be this ambitious? I love those days when I used to sleep only for 4-6 hours/day. I think I accomplished quite a bit then. But now, I feel like I am under pressure to meet some non existent deadlines that I set for myself. True, this has everything to do with my personality. How do I weigh the different things and assign some quality time to each of them? But then things are also not under your control, in particular how you end up spending your time is simply not under your control. That's my humble opinion. You can be strict, but then there is not much fun if you are. Disclipline helps. But then to fool the society, you need to actually justify your time spent on all these activities by enrolling in official courses/classes. If you are self motivated, you don't usually get a lot of support from others. Rather you'd also feel guilty. So, does it mean that I have to shell out $500 for a course just to spend some quality time with the stuff that I love? I already know the contents of the course. I am able to live the experience of attending the course within my mind itself. What's then the point? May be I should follow "Leap and then the net will appear" :) Ramblings on a Monday.

Finance

Money is the one term which everyone in the world understands exactly in the same way. As much as some people think they don't want to depend on it, they need it, simply because everyone else know that language and you ought to know it if you need to survive. I don't consider myself a finance savvy person. What I mean is that I don't actively seek out ways to increase my wealth or diversify it or invest in stock market and what not. I just think it is too much work and don't see any point where you can justify stopping.

Though this may sound philosophical, the truth is it is very easy for the money that you have to tempt you to allow it to control you. I believe that you should be in control of the money. Saving is of course a great idea, but I wonder how things became so complex that it is almost impossible to make a really wise investment choice for the average man. Bonds, Stocks, Real Estate...the list goes on.

Many times, I have tried to keep up to date on the money matters, but I somehow have not been able to maintain that. I guess I am not all that motivated by just increasing my wealth or diversifying it, though the concept is great and there is value to it. What I regret is that these things don't take that much time, if you think about it. Just one good thing, done at the appropriate time can yield tremendous results. The key here is not to do research and find out what it is, rather it is "just doing it", like in so many other instances. For instance, buying a house when you can afford it, may be keeping the money in multiple banks with good interest rates, wise spending habits - these are not difficult things to do. But the truth is that I feel too disinterested in this stuff that I don't even allow myself to think about it for a second. But once you get serious into this business, I think your life will pretty much revolve around it. You would have to keep following the stock, read all the latest ways of investing, etc. Retirment investing is one thing that makes good sense to me. I think it is a great concept. Pouring money into the stock market is something I am afraid to do, mainly because it involves so much follow up and has its own time demands. However rich or poor you are, you can always allow some of your money to enter the stock market and see how it plays out. The deal is to follow the stock and may be sell it at the seemingly appropriate time. Tons of people have lost money. Few have made it big also. It is the big ones that people care about :)

I think I'd greatly appreciate if the barter system comes back into effect. "I have some excess tomatoes, so I'll just trade them for a few potatoes that you may have" kind of stuff. But may be money was just created for this barter system to execute in a fair manner. I mean, I'm definitely going to complain if I get bad potatoes or small potatoes in exchange for large tomatoes. There needs to be a uniform way of defining the value of a particular commodity. That's where the money comes in. This is all my theory, so don't quote me on these things. I am only trying to understand all of it myself.

For Indians who live in the U.S., there is a constant thing in them that demands them to look at what's happening to their home country. Are there ways to invest back home? How about starting a business back home? Or how about buying a house in Bangalore? These are probably nice ideas, but they'll remain just that - ideas, unless some big time action is taken for which most of us won't have the energy. I admire some individuals who care so much about their money that they'll figure out the best ways to save money in the smallest of their transactions. That is just some kind of talent/gift. But then the same people also typically blow it all up in traffic tickets and gambling. "Life will get averaged out", yes. So where do we start and where do we stop? Buying gold and stocking it is such a big thing in India (at least in the South). That's one way of investing money there. They believe it will come in handy during the emergency situations. Parents have long used this method to come out of tight financial situations or to help their children study further, etc. They'll never use it to fund their son's movie venture though :)

Well, there is no end to this stuff. Will try to write later.

Aviator

I watched this movie a couple of days back. I think it was the New Year's day that I watched it. I really liked it. I was impressed with Leonardo's acting. The direction was good enough, definitely great, but apparently not worthy of oscar nomination. Martin Scorsese was the director of Gangs of New York as well. He seems to have a flair for digging up history and making pretty good movies out of it. Aviator was pretty neat. It's only through such movies do I get to learn some history. Never studied history well at school. Don't even know why they have it in curriculum. Who is going to appreciate what the great leaders did all over the world when you are 8? I mean, I have all these other things to worry about in life as such. Why bother me with stories of Hitler and World War II? Did somebody think that kids can comprehend why the world war took place?

Anyways, I learnt a whole lot about Howard Hughes. Such movies prompt me to dig up the biographies of the people involved. Yahoo Movies has this amazing compilation of people's biographies. They are short and sweet and contain just the details I always look for. I am mostly interested in people's childhood these days. 'Cause I believe that really lays a great foundation for any successful man. That's also the one thing which is not in our hands.

The scenes that depict Howard Hughes' obsessive compulsive disorder were done very neatly. The dialogues were concise and sharp. It must have been hell working for HH. He just orders around until things come up to his satisfaction. His satisfaction bar is only a little lower than the sky itself. But in the recent times, I have come to realize that being a perfectionist is not a great virtue to have. Looks like HH suffered from that. He wanted everything so perfect and neat - a lot of these symptoms run in my family. Mostly people around me crave for neatness, clean hands and things remaining in their designated places. I too was like that, but I have relaxed now. But HH had this mental state that was rather acute and made him a recluse. Seems like he locked himself up in some room, urinated in bottles and arranged them neatly and kept repeating things out of no apparent control. Inspite of all this, people didn't lose faith in him, at least that's what the movie shows. He comes out from this depressed state and builds one of the largest planes in aviation history. He seemed like somebody who couldn't take any bullshit or nonsense. I admired that. I would always admire successful people who shared my traits :) Needless to say, it is a confidence booster.

Yet another movie or event that reminds you of how much crap there is out there. I wonder how many artists, mathematicians, scientists, researchers, businessmen got buried under the evils of politics and lobbyism. Must be many. So, if somebody does make it to the top amidst all these things, you'll just have to blindly praise him for his accomplishments. I guess that's the essence of life.

Wild Pets

How is it to adopt a puppy and bring it up? Let's say it gets sick after two years and you take it to a vet. How would you feel he says "I don't treat bear cubs" :-D This seems like a real life incident.

Somebody else was smarter. They took a tiger cub and domesticated it. Of course after a while, it got back into tiger mode and started biting people. This person took it to the forest and left it there thinking that it would go back to its natural habitat. He comes home and discovers that the same tiger is still sitting in his backyard. The tiger is neither fully wild nor fully domestic! That must be a big nightmare for the pet master!

These things remind me of the movie "Annai Oru Aalayam", starring Superstar. As a kid, I was greatly impressed with this movie. To persuade me to eat, my mother always used to tell me the story of this movie. There is a incident that she can never forget - apparently I hit her very hard once when she twisted the story and changed it when narrating it to me :) I was not that naughty of a kid I know, but there are some interesting incidents like this.

Pens that don't write

Have you had this problem where you have this nice pen stand completely filled with pens that don't write? The thing is, the new pen would exactly look like the old pen and you will invariably pick up the pen that doesn't write all the time. Somehow the law of averages doesn't work here. Then you think you could be smarter and put a nice writing pen with an identifiable characteristic, only to find that your wife has taken it already. And why is it that the old pens don't go down the drain? There is something within us that tells that you could still make those pens write. May be one day, you'll fill them all with nice ink and actually put them to good use. The worst is when you don't know which pen is about to expire. The 'about to expire' pens will still write and you wouldn't want to start writing with one of these pens. You would have written a few sentences and the last one would turn from black to gray to white and then it will only create impressions on the paper without any color. Guess what after that - you'll only able to find a pen of a different color to continue writing whatever it is that you have been wanting to write. And what happens when you trash all these and get a new pen that's the sole hero of the pen stand - this pen nicely falls with its tip facing the group, making sure that it is not writable anymore!

I used to be really attached to my pens when I was a child. I always used to get pens from somebody - they would mostly gift it. I was very fond of writing with ink pens. I used to lose some pens in the school and feel very bad about it - just like any other kid would. At some point later, you decide pens are not the ones carrying your life. You move on with ball point pens which basically suck. But the one called Reynolds was amazing - it had this special tip that would be really sharp and crisp. I haven't used that pen in ages. I have started using pens again after a really long break that was consumed by the computer keyboard acting like my pen. There is something to writing with your hand, after all. It makes you concentrate more and somehow naturally eliminate all the bullshit and write only the things of relevance. It could make you an artist!

Happy New Year!

The sun has risen in this part of the world, bringing with it all the energy that's needed for a celebration and to enable us to lead this year with peace. The dark night has ended taking away with it all the misfortunes, deaths and losses of the previous year. May the whole world experience peace and prosperity this year and may we all contribute to its well being, by being well. Wish you all a very happy and prosperous New Year 2006!

Year End Summary - Dec 31st

I generally thought of briefly summarizing how this year has been spent. Assuming that I continue blogging indefinitely, these things will come in handy the day I decide to write my autobiographies. I can't be sifting through my entire blog at that time :) I'll try to listen them in the order of significance and won't spend too much time categorizing them.

• Change of jobs, apartment - both in June
• Creative recovery and self awareness
• Trips to Hawaii (for wedding anniversary), Grand Canyon (Memorial Day), Las Vegas (Christmas), Bay Area (Thanksgiving), Portland and vicinity (Business), Anzo Borrego Desert (Dec 31st, i.e., today)
  
• Tamil Light Music Show (Jan 15th), Hindi Show (March 5th), Tamil Drama (Nov 6th), NETip show (Nov 7th)
• Mourned the death of two close relatives back in India
• Sold a bunch of Thiruvasagam CDs
• Watched some memorable movies like Napoleon Dynamite, King Kong, Chandramukhi, Anniyan, Veerapandiya Kattabomman, Harry Potter
• Took up Piano lessons again
  

You can assume the rest of the events to be insignificant enough not to write in this blog. That's not too much for a year.

Risk Taking

I find that this term has become an often used one, when it comes to advising entrepreneurs or people who want to achieve success. It can be more aptly replaced by "following your passions/heart". In simple words, if you follow your wild dreams, the society will label you as a risk taker. Talking at length about risk taking and its consequences can mean nothing to a person who hasn't identified what he wants to do. He may have identified what he should be doing, but that's not going to take him very far. Name any successful person and I can point out that they were just blind to the world while following their passions and making them a reality. This, in the society's eyes, is definitely "deviating from the norm" and hence "risk taking". The thing is, when you do things that you really like, you won't mind losing money or working long hours without having medical insurance. I acknowledge that this is indeed a hard thing to do in today's world that offers us millions of distractions. But that's what separates a successful person and the one who isn't - following the passions.

Alchemist

I read this book today. What a wonderful book! I just think that such things are coming in my way. The book can be found in the metaphysics section in a bookstore. In summary, the book talks about a boy, Santiago, who follows his dreams until he realizes them. The journey takes him through many hardships, interesting experiences and in the process he learns several lessons from many wise people. At the end of the book, there are several topics for discussion. I forgot most of the questions, but I think I should probably read this book again. It talks frequently about the "Personal Legend" and the pursuit of it. The book reinforces the fact that we are all here for a purpose - we may achieve our purpose without even realizing it. The book gives yet another perspective on how to lead a life. Primarily, it also reinforces the one fact that I have come to realize in recent times - follow your heart, listen to your heart. If you don't, your heart will continue to talk to you and make you miserable until you learn to listen to it. Your life is your heart. It may hold the clue to your existence. It may tell you why exactly you are here.
Though I am a science person, these things sound very believable to me. We all go through stress. Particularly these days, there is too much information out there, whose sole purpose is to cloud all of our judgements and prevent us from taking the right choices or the choices that our hearts want us to take. If we allow these things to consume us, they will and in the end, we will only regret the fact that we didn't do justice to our heart's desires and feelings. This, I am sure is a common scenario.

The book also stresses the importance of living the moment, or paying attention to the present. It mentions that the fear of suffering may be worse than the suffering itself, so it is very important not to imagine things that might frighten our heart. Only if the present is perfect will it give rise to a perfect future. So it is very essential to live the moment and enjoy everything that surrounds us. This enjoyment will come about naturally if we are conscious all the time. Conscious - this is one word which I have begun to use very liberally in recent times. What this means is to do things and perceive things as they literally mean. To think about our thoughts is our unique gift - to be conscious is to use this gift. If you are waiting for a bus for a long time, you could use that time to notice things around you - notice people, animals that may wander, smell the air, watch the sky, so on and so forth. This is living the moment as well, instead of allowing your mind to curse the bus that is late or to allow the mind to think about various possibilities that the future may hold for you. Don't ask me why, but I have come to believe that everything happens for a reason. If we try to resist that, we won't get very far and wherever we end up is sure to be a very unhappy place.

People always try to explain things around them to the extent that the explanations become self fulfilling prophecies. What they probably can't explain is the fact that we can't choose our parents or the family in which we are born in.

Schindler's List

What an amazing movie! It took me so long to watch this one. It was released in 1993 and I have watched it only after a dozen years. Too bad. I must have been preparing for JEE at that time, when Spielberg churned out this masterpiece. Pretty much the whole movie is in black and white and that sets the right mood. Secondly, you don't want to see blood and the gore Jews were subjected to, during world war, in color. It was a very touching movie as well, but of course, Spielberg knew how exactly balance everything. Making movies has to be his second nature. The other joke is that he also managed to direct and release Jurassic Park in the same year! Who else could have done this?

Schindler's list won him an academy award. He has won it for Saving Private Ryan also. He somehow seems to have a flair for all these war movies, portrayal of violence, etc. He was born in Ohio and is now a billionaire. He has pretty much lived for Hollywood. He started a few production companies and has produced more movies as well. Apparently six of the all time blockbusters were directed by Spielberg. His latest movie is now out - Munich. I haven't watched that. Will have to do so.

I am always tempted to read the biographies of such successful and famous people. Spielberg started shooting amateur movies when he was still a teenager, they say. What's up with all this? That just simply means that the environment around him was just right so that he could become one of the all time best directors in the whole world. His parents must have been very encouraging. His friends must have encouraged him as well. I'm sure so many factors came into play in forming and moulding him into becoming a fine director.

Do the other planets feel jealous of Earth 'cause it has all the life forms? May be! Who knows. Mars is almost at the edge of the region which can allow for life forms to evolve. For Earth, it was a case of so many unique things coming together - like a big big coincidence. The distance from Sun, presence of water, moderate temperature, the mass, the size, gravity, etc - everything played a role in making it the blue planet as seen from the space. May be the evolution of all the successful people needs conditions like this. Lot of things coming together positively towards a noble cause. What can the others do? Imagine the amount of positive feedback needed to raise a ohio-born kid to levels of success which no other director can imagine achieving. I am sure his personality also suited very well to this, but still. I get carried away by such people and such movies. All those who worked on that movie must have felt very special. Creativity is abundant. Some people know how exactly to find it within themselves that they don't even realize it!

Govinda Govinda!

After so many trips to Vegas, it occured to me that it has almost become a pilgrimage. I shouldn't be really saying this since I don't really go there to gamble or anything. Yet, I don't fully understand why I keep going there. I guess it is just a get away place. I am tempted to compare the Vegas trips to our annual Tirupathi trips back in India. Whatever happens in a year, there is at least a couple of days when our family lands in Tirupathi. Here is my attempt to compare Vegas and Tirupathi.

At the outset, one of them is referred to as the Sin City and other one is widely known as a Holy City - that seems like a really big difference - a night and day difference, but they seem to have some superficial similarities :) The sound of gamblers winning money in slot machines is very much like the sound of temple bells in Tirupathi. People get up early morning in both places to offer their money to their respective Lords :) Gambling goes on all night. There is early morning gambling as well, just like there is an early morning special darshan, with some pooja. The path to the Holy City is rather windy, very much unlike the straight roads that lead you to doomsdays of losing your money in the Sin City. Either the slot machine or the Hundi gulps your money :) I'm not being blasphemious here....so just read this for what it is worth.

Tirupathi may be even coined as Indian Vegas for the amount of money it collects. People just come and dump all their wealth into the Hundi hoping that good will happen in their lives at a later point. Except in Vegas, people dump all their money hoping that they'll collect more before they leave Vegas - stuff that seldom happens! But there is still a finite chance that you'll pick up money from Vegas. This can never happen in Tirupathi. If you have been to Vegas and didn't get to see the Bellagio fountain, it is like you missed the Darshan in Tirupathi. Both places shine with a lot of light and are always bubbling with activity. They both manage to attract quite a lot of crowd - both rich and poor wanting to improve their chances in live regardless of their status in society. The songs that they play for the fountain mostly remind me of that one constant annoying song that is always played in Tirupathi - Sreeranga....manasaswarami....Even the God himself would have got bored of this tune by now. People need to be more creative and give him better tunes every now and then. There is some construction or the other happening at both places, in the name of making the place better and indirectly more attractive to a lot more poeple so that they can come and dump their money.

But for the Lord's presence, there would be little interest in the monkey ridden seven mountains. There would be far less interest in visiting the desert if not for Vegas! You pay more money to get FREE laddus just like you pay more money to get free entertainment. Both are places that families from all over the country visit with newborn kids, except that they don't tonsure the kid's head in Vegas. "Mottai aagarthu" is just a feeling in Vegas as opposed to a reality in Tirupathi. "Govinda Govinda" refers to money lost in Vegas :)

The line for having laddus is definitely longer than the one for having food in Vegas. There are attractive shops wherever you walk. Remember to inform people that you're going there or else you have a chance of running into them at that very place! The whole experience includes talking to people that you went there, how many times you went there and how much money you've lost over the years. It is almost like you visit Tirupathi, put money there to have a very bright future and to earn very well and drop all the earnings in Vegas later. There seems to be a big economic tie up between the two places. May be the money dropped at either place reaches the other side through the earth's core, who knows. Ideally the money dropped would perform simple harmonic motion between the two places if there were a big tunnel through the earth's core without the molten rocks. I think I'm digressing here.

Vegas is a place where every Hindu and every Buddhist assembles during Christmas time :) Slot machines are regular stuff like Dharma Darshan...playing Black Jack and losing money is like buying something expensive and dropping it in the Hundi, without directly dropping money itself. Both places are at a high elevation - I don't know how high Tirupathi is, but Vegas is at about an elevation of 4000 feet. You stop at Barstow to take a break like you stop at that obscure little town to have that tiffin and coffee when you're riding on that Andhra bus. Both are a must. You can't imagine a journey to Vegas without a stop at Barstow and going past the Zzyzx road. God knows who named that road. Looks like they ran out of alphabets. "I won so much this time" sounds much similar to "I really had a special darshan this time" :) I am reminded of "jarugandi jarugandi" - you go all the way to Tirupathi to have a great darshan and all you get is a minute or so in front of the Lord.

Either way, it is belief that drives people to both places. Belief that you'll end up better after the trip. In the case of Vegas, people get to know immediately what they were destined for though. After several trips you do get to learn that life is a big averager, no matter how much time you've spent inside the dimly lighted Santum Sanctorum or the Casinos.