In my experience (and I have confirmed otherwise), disappointments that a person experiences are directly (and linearly) proportional to the expectations that the person has. Swami Chinmayananda has said "Disappointments come to those who try to make an appointment with the future". This is one of the very few of his sayings that has stuck to me. I don't attend any special classes on spirituality or anything, but I studied in a Chinmaya Mission affiliated school for a few years. We would be given a diary, so that the teacher may include her remarks about you on that, that you are supposed to show to your parents and get some kind of approval. It is just a daily note, which may include list of things to do, etc. I never cared too much for it. This diary used to have a proverb on each page, and its corresponding author. Needless to say, it had quite a lot of Swami Chinmayananda's sayings in it.
But then to avoid disappointments, you would have to forgo the expectations. I have also verified and confirmed that you can't afford not to have any kind of expectation in any deep relationship. Where there are relationships, there are expectations. That's assumed and understood. What is then the way to overcome these kind of sad and disappointing experiences - the key is self awareness and consciousness and realization of some fundamental truths. The western world has some how reached a point where there is a near perfect system of human interaction, given the imperfect nature of humans. What I mean is, the people in the western civilizations are more understanding and respectful of human errors and give each other a lot of space. The evolution of medical insurance is one example. In a place where people have the freedom and the capacity to sue a medical doctor for millions of dollars, the only way the doctors can safeguard themselves from these seemingly unreasonable lawsuits is to charge the patient heavily by accommodating the various risks involved in the treatment of a disease. You're required to sign tons of papers and are more or less blindly treated for various symptoms - I believe mostly out of fear. In other words, I don't find the doctors using their intuition to cure problems and diseases - they rely on some set of rules which they have to abide by and then gradually get to the point. By this time, you would have blown up tons of money on office visits and what not. I see India getting to the same place. This is where it can naturally settle. Where people want to be respected and treated well - the doctors would have to charge them heavily.
There is a lot of value attached to one's life and nature in places like U.S. than in India. This is not the regular realization that one comes about, but a little bit more profound. I feel that people here understand the need for space. Everything seems to be well defined, which itself is sometimes annoying (to think that there is not that much 'human' element to the various process here). The cashier at the supermarket may repeatedly ask you "how are you today", etc - these are all labelled as customer service rather than an act of greeting and well wishing. And one day, such people will independently come to the realization that they need to greet people to maintain good business and good relationships - something that I think is rather obvious. "Interdependence" will become more important then. May be lot of people here think that independence is the ultimate virtue to have, which is why you see people falling out of marriages, jobs and what not. The truth is, a person needs so many people in his life to lead his life. This is what interdependence means. What you can't achieve as a single person, you could achieve if you team up with certain other people. The positive energy in you can be compounded by interacting with people that think the same way or those who add to your energy. This can be a mutual process - it's not just that only you would benefit from it.
Coming back to the point, the western society, being liberal, allows for dating and allow children to express themselves in almost any possible way. Nothing is taboo. So there is naturally a lot more expression and creativity here as compared to India, which only has the potential to be, but is not quite there yet. Kids may be unruly - that is understood and a system has somehow evolved - parents take care of them till high school and then let them loose. The parents then take care of themselves and they don't really expect the kid to come back to them and support them financially or anything. There is a well defined social security system which pays for the old people's expenses based on how much they tried to accumulate when they were working. These are just values and not necessarily principles. The value system in India is quite different. It is more family oriented than anything else. There are clear and unwritten expectations about an individual in his various capacities. In other words, the system is laid back, but it is entirely possible not to realize this if one doesn't go out of the country to explore the world. There are so many self inflicted miseries and prohibitions that prevent an individual from expressing himself/herself freely, thereby also limiting his/her creativity. All said and done, even the movie producers are rather conservative. Otherwise, they'd be taking a risk and producing some good movies for a change. The businessmen are also conservative, may be even superstitious to some extent. It'll probably take a couple of generations to change these things. Things do have to change just because the population is exceeding 1 billion and people need to learn a common way of living harmoniously in a society made up of thousands of nuclear families.
But then to avoid disappointments, you would have to forgo the expectations. I have also verified and confirmed that you can't afford not to have any kind of expectation in any deep relationship. Where there are relationships, there are expectations. That's assumed and understood. What is then the way to overcome these kind of sad and disappointing experiences - the key is self awareness and consciousness and realization of some fundamental truths. The western world has some how reached a point where there is a near perfect system of human interaction, given the imperfect nature of humans. What I mean is, the people in the western civilizations are more understanding and respectful of human errors and give each other a lot of space. The evolution of medical insurance is one example. In a place where people have the freedom and the capacity to sue a medical doctor for millions of dollars, the only way the doctors can safeguard themselves from these seemingly unreasonable lawsuits is to charge the patient heavily by accommodating the various risks involved in the treatment of a disease. You're required to sign tons of papers and are more or less blindly treated for various symptoms - I believe mostly out of fear. In other words, I don't find the doctors using their intuition to cure problems and diseases - they rely on some set of rules which they have to abide by and then gradually get to the point. By this time, you would have blown up tons of money on office visits and what not. I see India getting to the same place. This is where it can naturally settle. Where people want to be respected and treated well - the doctors would have to charge them heavily.
There is a lot of value attached to one's life and nature in places like U.S. than in India. This is not the regular realization that one comes about, but a little bit more profound. I feel that people here understand the need for space. Everything seems to be well defined, which itself is sometimes annoying (to think that there is not that much 'human' element to the various process here). The cashier at the supermarket may repeatedly ask you "how are you today", etc - these are all labelled as customer service rather than an act of greeting and well wishing. And one day, such people will independently come to the realization that they need to greet people to maintain good business and good relationships - something that I think is rather obvious. "Interdependence" will become more important then. May be lot of people here think that independence is the ultimate virtue to have, which is why you see people falling out of marriages, jobs and what not. The truth is, a person needs so many people in his life to lead his life. This is what interdependence means. What you can't achieve as a single person, you could achieve if you team up with certain other people. The positive energy in you can be compounded by interacting with people that think the same way or those who add to your energy. This can be a mutual process - it's not just that only you would benefit from it.
Coming back to the point, the western society, being liberal, allows for dating and allow children to express themselves in almost any possible way. Nothing is taboo. So there is naturally a lot more expression and creativity here as compared to India, which only has the potential to be, but is not quite there yet. Kids may be unruly - that is understood and a system has somehow evolved - parents take care of them till high school and then let them loose. The parents then take care of themselves and they don't really expect the kid to come back to them and support them financially or anything. There is a well defined social security system which pays for the old people's expenses based on how much they tried to accumulate when they were working. These are just values and not necessarily principles. The value system in India is quite different. It is more family oriented than anything else. There are clear and unwritten expectations about an individual in his various capacities. In other words, the system is laid back, but it is entirely possible not to realize this if one doesn't go out of the country to explore the world. There are so many self inflicted miseries and prohibitions that prevent an individual from expressing himself/herself freely, thereby also limiting his/her creativity. All said and done, even the movie producers are rather conservative. Otherwise, they'd be taking a risk and producing some good movies for a change. The businessmen are also conservative, may be even superstitious to some extent. It'll probably take a couple of generations to change these things. Things do have to change just because the population is exceeding 1 billion and people need to learn a common way of living harmoniously in a society made up of thousands of nuclear families.
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